Thursday, August 20, 2020 - 7:20 PM
× subject: Talking about dreams
× mood: Okay
× music: To Catch a Thief - Lovage (listen)

So recently I started a dream journal so that I could remember more of my dreams + I remember reading that it's a good way to help with lucid dreaming somehow or somethin idk. Anyways, I usually don't remember my dreams because I smoke to fall asleep so a majority of dreams I remember are the ones I have when I fall back asleep after I first wake up. This morning I finally realized I was dreaming and it was the most surreal feeling I've ever experienced, it was like I was in VR or something. I was walking in a grassy field looking down when it just hit me that I was having a dream and I immediately tried to start flying but I only hovered a few feet off the ground before waking up. It was short as hell but I now know that it's something I can do or whatever... I want to lucid dream more. Annyyways, after that I fell back asleep and had a dream that I wasn't in control of where I was on an airplane sitting next to Tina Fey. I told her that I'd never seen the office (which she has nothing to do with??) and then the pilot came onto the speaker to say that we'd be landing in 15 minutes. I was all happy about it and then RIGHT when he finished talking the plane did a fucking backflip and nosedived into the ground. I woke up in a panic with my heart racing, but it felt like I had already been awake for a couple hours... It was really weird. My dreams are always stressing me out, it's always either a fucked up version of situations in my life or something that has to do with planes / flying. I guess that flying is my biggest fear, right before the ocean. Yeah, fuck the ocean. That bitch is way too big, makes me nervous. I don't swim at the beach.

Tuesday, August 4, 2020 - 10:45 AM
× subject: chillin'
× mood: Stoned
× music: In Spite - Iris (listen)

Hey! I haven't updated my website in a few months holy shit. I just woke up & thought about my website and wanted to make some changes. (including getting rid of all my old posts on here)

I haven't been doing too much these past few months. I went to New Mexico to see my mom last month which was really nice, I miss being there a lot. I haven't done much other than that, I've spent most of my time at home chillin. I miss going dancing every Friday night! I have nothing to look forward to anymore :-/

I don't really know what else to say so I'm ending this here. :-P Gonna make a few changes to my website then play Fallout 4 for a bit. I hope that you're doing well.

January, 2020

subject: 2day was nice
mood: high
music: Jealousy - Paris Hilton (listen)

hello! i hope you're doing well, today has been really good! I woke up at 7am and watched dr phil for a bit & then went to my psychology & comp 1 class. my psychology teacher is so nice! she taught my grandma way back in the day when she went back to school (I think in the 80's) & now she's teachin me :-P the first assignment we have is to make a video introducing ourselves & upload it to blackboard (the site we use @ my college) for all classmates to see. I'm so fuckin anxious when I record myself so i'm going to compensate for my mediocre personality by recording the video in low quality then editing it in windows movie maker because fuck itttt. tee hee, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

after class I hung out with jozelyn & kiersten at kiersten's house for a couple hours which was a lot of fun! we haven't hung out in a while :-) afterwards I went to the antique mall in town with erina and amy & got some really cool shit, here's a pic:

I got a bunch of late 90's postcards & a year 2000 beanie baby! I shit myself over the y2k bear, I had 2 buy it. afterwards I came home and had dinner with my grandparents then hung out with erina and amy in my room, smokin & listening to 2000's music. I'm doing really good, today was great. I hope you're having a good one, i'm gonna go watch some youtube! see ya :-P

Monday, January 13, 2020 - 1:48 PM

subject: blah blah blah
mood: good!
music: More Than A Woman - Aaliyah (listen)

hey u hot little bitch, i hope you're having a great day! i just got home from class & i'm listening to Aaliyah and dancin around like an idiot. i'm in a really good mood! Today was the start of the spring semester, I went to my government & philosophy classes. Tomorrow is general psychology & english / comp 1. I'm excited but I hate schoolwork smh, I need to stay organized this semester! I was so overwhelmed last semester b/c I did everything last minute and never kept myself together haha. Oh my GOD there are so many cute boys in my classes so far, it's insane. I'm finally over my ex which isn't to say i want to be in a relationship because my anxiety is too bad to date & i'm enjoying being able to keep to myself. I feel good with where i'm at right now!

Anyways, I smoked & I'm feelin' nostalgic! I'm probably gonna go look @ old geocities sites in a bit & find buttons, blinkies, & other graphics to add onto my site! I love browsing the internet archive, the web used to be a lot more fun & creative! (albeit a bit scarier sometimes) I wish that social media was as customizable as sites like myspace, everything looks the same nowadays :-/

okay wellll I have stuff 2 do around 3 so i'm gonna go browse the internet archive, I hope you have a good day! see u l8r :-)

Friday, January 10, 2020 - 12:40 AM

subject: more rambling
mood: stoned
music: A Forest (Remix Mix) - The Cure (listen)

hi! i hope you are doing well! i've been updatin my site a lot since i got home yesterday & i'm likin it so far :-) i wanna update / add a lot of stuff because i always say i want to but then i get depressed or busy and never do it.. oops. some stuff on here has been the same for forever & is messy so uhh i need to do some housekeeping around here!

today was a good day, i finally got a haircut! i haven't had one since november so i was lookin rough, i feel a lot better. afterwards i went home and used my webcam for the first time in a while, here's a pic I took:

:-P i love that jacket, i need to buy a matching pair of sweatpants! it's a juicy couture jacket i bought on depop. i also bought a full brown juicy tracksuit but the girl messaged me & said it was unavailable smh. I want more juicy tracksuits!

after i had dinner i hung out w/ amy for a while & it was a lot of fun! i love spending time w/ her :-)

welll i'm gonna go look at juicy tracksuits on depop, i hope u have a good day!

Saturday, December 21, 2019 - 12:24 PM

subject: my car got broken into last night
mood: melancholic
music: Complicated - Heavens To Betsy (listen)

hello, I hope you're doing well. I've been having a crazy fucking weekend dude. my car got broken into when I was at numbers last night, luckily i'm smart & don't leave valuables in my car so nothing was missing but holy fuckin shit there's glass shards all over my car. I've been feelin so damn shitty this past week and last night was supposed 2 make up for it and then that happened, people are shit. my car wasn't the only one broken into, there were 3 others that I saw & there was blood on one of the cars & the cops collected it sooo hopefully the crack whore gets busted. also something really funny, my car honks really fuckin loud everytime you open the door after unlocking it (even with a key) and it doesn't stop until it gets turned on & just gets louder so i'm imagining these dumbasses shitting themselves and running while my car is yelling in the distance haha. I always hated that my car did that but it may have come in handy for once, they didn't touch my friends car which was parked next to me. It could've been a lot worse, I got really lucky. here's some pics of the damage:

crazy!! never gonna park there again lmao. anyways.. I gotta clean the glass out of my car & cover it up w/ a bag or some shit, I hope your weekend is going better than mine haha. see ya l8r

Thursday, December 12, 2019 - 3:04 PM

subject: Finished my 1st semester of college today!
mood: high & pretty happy
music: You And Your Friend - Snake River Conspiracy (listen)

Hello I finally got my meds!! I am in a really good fuckin mood, I missed having them. So, I took all of my final exams today & am finally done w/ my first semester! We get 1 month off for winter break so I get to fuckin chill for a while I leave to go to my moms on December 27th & I'm coming back on January 8th. I'm not excited for the flight there and back because flying fucking terrifies me. Even though i've traveled my whole damn life. It's gonna be 2 flights there & back, I stop in Dallas and then go to Durango, CO. which is right above my mom who's in Aztec, NM.

I'm so excited for tomorrow! Me & my girlz are going 2 #'s and i'm going to turn 19 while i'm there! I'm so excited. On Saturday a few friends are coming over to eat dinner & hang out & celebrate my bday and stuff. This weekend is gonna be a lot of fun After all of that, on Sunday me & Amy & our fave goth bitchez are all gonna hang out at a graveyard. I can't wait, I love doing shit like that. I wish I could've been a 2001 goth kid.

^ me if it was 2001.

That's all that's goin on right now, i'm gonna go play GTA Online, see ya l8r.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019 - 10:08 PM

subject: i finally have insurance again
mood: depressed
music: Northern Lights - Gus Gus vs. T-world (listen)

hey. I hope you're having a good day. so yesterday I tried getting my meds & there was no prescription, so I called my psychiatrist and he sent it over to walgreens. I went and they couldn't fucking sell them to me because they couldn't get a price from my insurance or whatever. they said it would take a few hours but here i am a whole fucking day later, going on 2. by the way, yeah, I have my insurance back. which means I will eventually have my meds all the time & don't have to fork over $400 to want to live. at this point i don't fucking care about the cost, i'm tired of feeling like shit constantly. it's been 2 weeks since i've had my meds and shit in my life keeps getting worse and I just want to be happy. I want my mom, I can't wait to see her later this month. I feel so lonely in this house. I love my grandparents to death but I can't hold a conversation with my grandpa because he has alzheimers and doesn't understand much and my grandma doesn't seem to care about anything i'm interested in. I'm so fucking pathetic. I hate myself and i hate feeling like this. I feel like such a piece of shit.

Friday, December 6, 2019 - 10:15 AM

subject: listening to drum and bass, i wanna dance
mood: High
music: MSX 98 - GTA: Liberty City Stories (listen)

hello! :-P i've been playing a lot of GTA lately. (still) I got 3 and san andreas for my PS2 b/c it really has that early 2000's feeling to it. the radio stations back then were so much cooler. MSX FM and Rise FM are my favorites, I fucking love 90's / 00's techno, dance, electro, drum and bass, etc etc. I would've been a total rave kid if it was 2001 lol.

^ that woulda been me. I wish there were early 2000's techno clubs in houston. I mean, if there are I don't know about them. I just want to dance to music that sounds like it came out of the fucking matrix.

.. I can't wait to go dancing tonight. I may be alone depending on if kiersten comes or not, which is surprising for me being the anxious mess that I am lol. Idk, it's a chance to meet new people, which i've been doing lately! last time I went I danced w/ a few different people, i had a lot of fun!

anyways, i'm gonna go smoke annndddd play Vice City? Idk, been trying to play & complete the full GTA series recently. I hope you have a good day!

Thursday, November 21, 2019 - 4:44 PM

music: Something Secret Steers Us - Half-Life 2 (listen)

HOLY SHIT. I'VE BEEN WAITING for 6 FUCKING YEARS for Half-Life to come back. I AM SHITTING MYSELf. Half-Life: Alyx is a new VR only HL game set before HL2 AND yOU PLAY AS ALYX. I'm going to buy a fucking VR headset for it, I WILL PLAY THAT DAMN GAME SOMEHOW. I - i.. I have no fucking WORDS dude, HOLY FUCK. I AM GEEKING. The trailer came out today or I just saw it today IDK BUT OH MY GOD.

The Half-Life series made a HUGE impact on me, I mean, it pretty much crEATED my obsession for the early 2000's!! I used to (i mean... I still do) spend a lot of time playing Half-life 2 and Garry's mod when I was 12/13, and being in environments that were created in the early 2000's evoked a feeling in me that grew into what it is today, i mean FUUUUCK. This website probably wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for Half-Life 2.

LMFAOOO I just looked down and noticed I'm wearing my HL2 shirt today, PERFECT TIMING. I .. love the half-life series with eVERYtHing IN ME and I WILL own a VR headset by March 2020, I WILL PLAY THAT DAMN GAME even IF I HAVE TO SELL A KIDNEY.

Okay, I think I got it all out... for now. Holy shit holy shit holy FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go play Half-Life 2 b/c it's all I can fucking think about now, I hope you're having a good one!!! I feel ECSTATIC. AhhHH. See ya!!

Wednesday, November 13, 2019 - 11:42 AM

subject: I saw Matt and Kim live last night!
mood: good!
music: Phil's Files (2003): "How To Talk To Your Teens" - Dr Phil (listen)

Hey! I hope all is well in your life, i'm doing fucking amazing! I went to a Matt and Kim show last nite w/ kiersten and korrin at the White Oak Music Hall in Houston. I- ... it was fucking amazing. I had no idea what to expect cuz i've never watched a video of them perform before but bitch I got more than I could've ever wanted. They performed their album Grand along w/ some other popular songs, I was singin the whole night. During the show Matt said somethin about a lack of a mosh pit and everyone went "oH? MmKay." And then the song started and everyone went fucking crazy. I've never been in one before, but I LOVED IT. I wanted MORE BITCH, I wanted to be PUNCHED and sHovED, IT WAS GREAT. Here's a couple pics I took:

Anyways, it's been gettin pretty cold down here in ye ol tExas. It was in the 40's yesterday, fuuuck that. I love the cold, just ... when i'm inside. LMFAO. I can't wait for december. That whole fucking month is christmas for me, I'm a holly jolly bitch. I love christmas so much, the music, the decorations, just ... tHe ViBeS mAaAaN. LMaoo.

Okayyy well i'm gonna go play GTAIV and run around Liberty City before class, have a good day & i'll see ya l8r :-)

Monday, November 3, 2019 - 6:44 pm

subject: Smoking a bowl and watching Dance Moms
mood: high
music: Downtown Life - Grandma (listen)

Hiya, I hope you're having a good day! I just smoked and now i'm watching dance moms fights and eating M&Ms. I haven't updated my site in a while .. tee hee. i've been feelin shitty but I recently got my meds so i'm good!! I could only get one of my meds cuz I have no insurance & all of my medication in total would've been around $700 so uh yeah.. love our healthcare system.

Halloween was a lot of fun! It was so fucking cold!! I went to Numbers w/ Amy and almost froze my nipplez off. This is what I was wearin:

I also went on friday, I had a rlly good weekend. ... I wanna change up my site again, I may fuck w/ the myspace theme, idk. I want something fresh & new! I spent all day looking at old websites in 2000 and it hella inspired me 2 switch up my site to another format!

Umm I don't really have much else 2 say, i'm stoned and I just wanted 2 clear out my posts B-) I'll write again l8r, see ya!

* ~ to see my posts from august 2019 to october 2019, click here. ~ *

* ~ to see my posts from march 2019 to july 2019, click here. ~ *

* ~ to see my posts from before march 2019, click here. ~ *