subject: hot boys are scary|
music: Streets Of Yokohama - Lemongrass (listen)
hello! I just got back from school a little while ago, today felt really long. I forgot to take my meds when I woke up so i've been sad and I want to get into bed for the rest of the day but i'm workin on my site to distract myself & then i'm gonna play some games so I don't do anything dumb. :-) I am also so fuckin' hungry, I haven't eaten in a while. I'm craving a fat ass subway sandwich drowned in mayo, delicious.
I really enjoy listening to chill electronic music. The best time to is when i'm stoned at 1AM, laying down in my underwear with my blue light on. Lemongrass is one of my favorite artists, their song "Sunrise on Fujiyama" makes my heart happy. The Postal Service is another chill music band that i've been listening to since I was a kid. Some of my earliest memories are sitting in the car with my parents & hearing the song "Nothing Better" on the stereo. Nowadays whenever my dad hears them, he gets emotional and usually cries. It's sad that life changes, and nothing good can last forever, I think about that a lot. Nostalgia hurts!
Anyways, there's a really cute boy that's in my comp 1 class and i've spent the past 2 days of class just staring at him like a fuckin' creep. He's so damn attractive, it makes me so so self conscious. I always wish I was more outgoing and approachable, and it's not impossible to change myself, but all I do is waste time complaining. I gotta make up for my lack of attractiveness with a good personality! Fuckin' 1st world problems man, i'm pathetic!
Well, I genuinely hope that you're doing good, I'm going to go play Starbound & watch Hell's Kitchen. See you around!
subject: 2day was nice|
music: Jealousy - Paris Hilton (listen)
hello! i hope you're doing well, today has been really good! I woke up at 7am and watched dr phil for a bit & then went to my psychology & comp 1 class. my psychology teacher is so nice! she taught my grandma way back in the day when she went back to school (I think in the 80's) & now she's teachin me :-P the first assignment we have is to make a video introducing ourselves & upload it to blackboard (the site we use @ my college) for all classmates to see. I'm so fuckin anxious when I record myself so i'm going to compensate for my mediocre personality by recording the video in low quality then editing it in windows movie maker because fuck itttt. tee hee, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
after class I hung out with jozelyn & kiersten at kiersten's house for a couple hours which was a lot of fun! we haven't hung out in a while :-) afterwards I went to the antique mall in town with erina and amy & got some really cool shit, here's a pic:
I got a bunch of late 90's postcards & a year 2000 beanie baby! I shit myself over the y2k bear, I had 2 buy it. afterwards I came home and had dinner with my grandparents then hung out with erina and amy in my room, smokin & listening to 2000's music. I'm doing really good, today was great. I hope you're having a good one, i'm gonna go watch some youtube! see ya :-P
subject: blah blah blah|
music: More Than A Woman - Aaliyah (listen)
hey u hot little bitch, i hope you're having a great day! i just got home from class & i'm listening to Aaliyah and dancin around like an idiot. i'm in a really good mood! Today was the start of the spring semester, I went to my government & philosophy classes. Tomorrow is general psychology & english / comp 1. I'm excited but I hate schoolwork smh, I need to stay organized this semester! I was so overwhelmed last semester b/c I did everything last minute and never kept myself together haha. Oh my GOD there are so many cute boys in my classes so far, it's insane. I'm finally over my ex which isn't to say i want to be in a relationship because my anxiety is too bad to date & i'm enjoying being able to keep to myself. I feel good with where i'm at right now!
Anyways, I smoked & I'm feelin' nostalgic! I'm probably gonna go look @ old geocities sites in a bit & find buttons, blinkies, & other graphics to add onto my site! I love browsing the internet archive, the web used to be a lot more fun & creative! (albeit a bit scarier sometimes) I wish that social media was as customizable as sites like myspace, everything looks the same nowadays :-/
okay wellll I have stuff 2 do around 3 so i'm gonna go browse the internet archive, I hope you have a good day! see u l8r :-)
subject: more rambling|
music: A Forest (Remix Mix) - The Cure (listen)
hi! i hope you are doing well! i've been updatin my site a lot since i got home yesterday & i'm likin it so far :-) i wanna update / add a lot of stuff because i always say i want to but then i get depressed or busy and never do it.. oops. some stuff on here has been the same for forever & is messy so uhh i need to do some housekeeping around here!
today was a good day, i finally got a haircut! i haven't had one since november so i was lookin rough, i feel a lot better. afterwards i went home and used my webcam for the first time in a while, here's a pic I took:
:-P i love that jacket, i need to buy a matching pair of sweatpants! it's a juicy couture jacket i bought on depop. i also bought a full brown juicy tracksuit but the girl messaged me & said it was unavailable smh. I want more juicy tracksuits!
after i had dinner i hung out w/ amy for a while & it was a lot of fun! i love spending time w/ her :-)
welll i'm gonna go look at juicy tracksuits on depop, i hope u have a good day!
subject: smoking a bowl and rambling|
mood: sad but okay i think
music: This Must Be The Place - Talking Heads (listen)
helloooo! I hope you're having a good day. I just got back from new mexico a few hours ago and i'm smoking the rest of the bowl I have leftover from before I left texas hahaha. I came home & made me and my grandparents a pizza then cleaned up around my room and now i'm here! smoking makes things a little easier but i'm very sad right now, I miss my mom a lot. there's nobody else on this planet that I can relate to more than my mom, we're very similar and it's really easy for us to talk to and understand each other. she makes me feel very comfortable about myself! the first thing I heard when I saw my grandparents at the airport was "what are you wearing?" and that anxiety came back and washed over me. bleh. I hate having no confidence in myself, and that I allow what people say about me to get to me. whatever, first world problems. someone somewhere is dying and i'm crying about my low self esteem... pathetic lmaooo.
i'm glad to be around my friends again though, they mean the world to me. I'm hanging out w/ amy in a little bit and we're also gonna hang out tommorrow which makes me really happy! I miss her so much. we're also going dancing on friday because fuck it idc that my car got broken into last time i'm fucking depressed and i want to go to the club half naked and pretend like i'm attractive. smh.
^ i love #'s, that was a really good night for me, I was so happy. okay, well.. i've been smokin and i keep looking at my pc like uhhhhh :O so i'm gonna go play some games until I hang out w amy! I genuinely hope you're doing well, whoever you are! see you later. :-P
subject: my car got broken into last night|
music: Complicated - Heavens To Betsy (listen)
hello, I hope you're doing well. I've been having a crazy fucking weekend dude. my car got broken into when I was at numbers last night, luckily i'm smart & don't leave valuables in my car so nothing was missing but holy fuckin shit there's glass shards all over my car. I've been feelin so damn shitty this past week and last night was supposed 2 make up for it and then that happened, people are shit. my car wasn't the only one broken into, there were 3 others that I saw & there was blood on one of the cars & the cops collected it sooo hopefully the crack whore gets busted. also something really funny, my car honks really fuckin loud everytime you open the door after unlocking it (even with a key) and it doesn't stop until it gets turned on & just gets louder so i'm imagining these dumbasses shitting themselves and running while my car is yelling in the distance haha. I always hated that my car did that but it may have come in handy for once, they didn't touch my friends car which was parked next to me. It could've been a lot worse, I got really lucky. here's some pics of the damage:
crazy!! never gonna park there again lmao. anyways.. I gotta clean the glass out of my car & cover it up w/ a bag or some shit, I hope your weekend is going better than mine haha. see ya l8r
subject: Finished my 1st semester of college today!|
mood: high & pretty happy
music: You And Your Friend - Snake River Conspiracy (listen)
Hello I finally got my meds!! I am in a really good fuckin mood, I missed having them. So, I took all of my final exams today & am finally done w/ my first semester! We get 1 month off for winter break so I get to fuckin chill for a while I leave to go to my moms on December 27th & I'm coming back on January 8th. I'm not excited for the flight there and back because flying fucking terrifies me. Even though i've traveled my whole damn life. It's gonna be 2 flights there & back, I stop in Dallas and then go to Durango, CO. which is right above my mom who's in Aztec, NM.
I'm so excited for tomorrow! Me & my girlz are going 2 #'s and i'm going to turn 19 while i'm there! I'm so excited. On Saturday a few friends are coming over to eat dinner & hang out & celebrate my bday and stuff. This weekend is gonna be a lot of fun After all of that, on Sunday me & Amy & our fave goth bitchez are all gonna hang out at a graveyard. I can't wait, I love doing shit like that. I wish I could've been a 2001 goth kid.
^ me if it was 2001.
That's all that's goin on right now, i'm gonna go play GTA Online, see ya l8r.
subject: i finally have insurance again|
music: Northern Lights - Gus Gus vs. T-world (listen)
hey. I hope you're having a good day. so yesterday I tried getting my meds & there was no prescription, so I called my psychiatrist and he sent it over to walgreens. I went and they couldn't fucking sell them to me because they couldn't get a price from my insurance or whatever. they said it would take a few hours but here i am a whole fucking day later, going on 2. by the way, yeah, I have my insurance back. which means I will eventually have my meds all the time & don't have to fork over $400 to want to live. at this point i don't fucking care about the cost, i'm tired of feeling like shit constantly. it's been 2 weeks since i've had my meds and shit in my life keeps getting worse and I just want to be happy. I want my mom, I can't wait to see her later this month. I feel so lonely in this house. I love my grandparents to death but I can't hold a conversation with my grandpa because he has alzheimers and doesn't understand much and my grandma doesn't seem to care about anything i'm interested in. I'm so fucking pathetic. I hate myself and i hate feeling like this. I feel like such a piece of shit.
subject: i wish i didn't need meds to make me happy|
music: Renegade Snares - Onmi Trio (listen)
helloo. I hope you're well. I just got back from trying to pick up a prescription for my meds that keep me from getting manic/depressed but there was no prescription and it's not refillable. I got in my car and just started sobbing, I hate having to live like this. I have to rely on pills to function normally and to keep myself from hurting myself. I've been out of my meds for almost 2 weeks and my anxiety is so bad that I can barely leave the house. My mental illness ruins everything good in my life, things would be a lot better if I wasn't around anymore. I feel like such a burden on everyone around me, even though they say otherwise. I just want to stop fucking thinking. I hate feeling like this.
i'm going to go try and distract myself and play tekken 4 on my ps2, see you around.
subject: thinkin' about the matrix & unreal tournament 1999|
music: Sunrise on Fujiyama - Lemongrass (listen)
hey! I hope you're having a good day, I got back from eating out w/ my grandparents for their anniversary about an hour ago. It was really nice to sit down with them and talk about things! Afterwards I went & dropped off a pack of cigs to jozelyn and now i'm sitting in my room under a red light and listening to lemongrass. I'm .. feelin okay? and irritated. Idk, I'm getting my meds tomorrow so i'll be happy & productive soon enough lol. There's just something that's getting under my skin right now and i'm pissed about it but I don't need to air out (too much of) my business on here. there's a few prying eyes and it's kind of embarassing when I get over myself and come back to delete posts LMFAOO. at least I can joke about it :-P
Holy shit, i'm out of weed and I just scraped my grinder & there was enough lil bits to pack half a bowl, bitch i'm fixin to ease my damn mind. free my damn mind, i love the matrix lol. I recently did a project for cinema about the Wachowski's (ppl who directed the matrix) and figured out that they are both trans women, which is fuckin awesome. I used to get so confused when I would research the matrix and i'd get both Wachowski brother's / Wachowski sisters and I never looked too far into it so I was just like HUH. but now I know, and I think it's the coolest thing ever. I can't wait for the 4th Matrix film! I don't care if the film is good or bad, my love for the series and my desperation for new matrix lore overcomes that. Ahh i'm babbling now.. smh.
AH OKAY I remember what I wanted to talk about, UNREAL TOURNAMENT 1999. I bought it this morning and IT'S SO MUCH FUN. I love the music and graphics. so damn good. My favorite gamemode is probably assault but I love classic deathmatch games. I never knew epic games (fortnite makers) were responsible for it! It made me realize that they've been poppin off since the 90's & they're still huge today, good for them. they're all probably really rich... LMAO.
okay enough rambling it's not like anyone reads this dumb shit lmfaooo. I hope you have a good one, i'ma go blast some bitches with my flak cannon, i'll see ya l8r!
subject: listening to drum and bass, i wanna dance|
music: MSX 98 - GTA: Liberty City Stories (listen)
hello! :-P i've been playing a lot of GTA lately. (still) I got 3 and san andreas for my PS2 b/c it really has that early 2000's feeling to it. the radio stations back then were so much cooler. MSX FM and Rise FM are my favorites, I fucking love 90's / 00's techno, dance, electro, drum and bass, etc etc. I would've been a total rave kid if it was 2001 lol.
^ that woulda been me. I wish there were early 2000's techno clubs in houston. I mean, if there are I don't know about them. I just want to dance to music that sounds like it came out of the fucking matrix.
.. I can't wait to go dancing tonight. I may be alone depending on if kiersten comes or not, which is surprising for me being the anxious mess that I am lol. Idk, it's a chance to meet new people, which i've been doing lately! last time I went I danced w/ a few different people, i had a lot of fun!
anyways, i'm gonna go smoke annndddd play Vice City? Idk, been trying to play & complete the full GTA series recently. I hope you have a good day!
subject: NEW HALF-LIFE GAME?!?!?!?!? HOLY FUCKING FUCK|
music: Something Secret Steers Us - Half-Life 2 (listen)
HOLY SHIT. I'VE BEEN WAITING for 6 FUCKING YEARS for Half-Life to come back. I AM SHITTING MYSELf. Half-Life: Alyx is a new VR only HL game set before HL2 AND yOU PLAY AS ALYX. I'm going to buy a fucking VR headset for it, I WILL PLAY THAT DAMN GAME SOMEHOW. I - i.. I have no fucking WORDS dude, HOLY FUCK. I AM GEEKING. The trailer came out today or I just saw it today IDK BUT OH MY GOD.
The Half-Life series made a HUGE impact on me, I mean, it pretty much crEATED my obsession for the early 2000's!! I used to (i mean... I still do) spend a lot of time playing Half-life 2 and Garry's mod when I was 12/13, and being in environments that were created in the early 2000's evoked a feeling in me that grew into what it is today, i mean FUUUUCK. This website probably wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for Half-Life 2.
LMFAOOO I just looked down and noticed I'm wearing my HL2 shirt today, PERFECT TIMING. I .. love the half-life series with eVERYtHing IN ME and I WILL own a VR headset by March 2020, I WILL PLAY THAT DAMN GAME even IF I HAVE TO SELL A KIDNEY.
Okay, I think I got it all out... for now. Holy shit holy shit holy FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go play Half-Life 2 b/c it's all I can fucking think about now, I hope you're having a good one!!! I feel ECSTATIC. AhhHH. See ya!!
subject: NEW SITE!! GTA3 nostalgia!!|
music: Genius Of Love - Tom Tom Club (listen)
Hellooooo :-) I hope you're havin a good day! So, I recently discovered the promotional website for Grand Theft Auto 3 and it was so god damn cool. It was basically a news website for Liberty City! I found it thru the web archive & decided to bring it back 2 life for nostalgia!! If you wanna check the site out (it's new so I still have lots to add!) CLICK HERE! I am way too obsessed w/ the GTA series & storylines, they're so fucking interesting! Plus .... early 2000's nostalgia ... duh.
In other news.. I'm out of weed. so sad, mY LyF3 iS 0V3r!!1! It just sucks cuz smokin a bowl before bed lets me chill out enough so that I can fall asleep, without it I stay up all night thinking about random shit at 1000MPH while sWEAting profusely from constant anxiety over .. uhh, everything? nothing? whatever.
I need 2 take mY sLeEpY PiLLz now, I don't want another nite like last nite. I went to bed at like 10:30ish b/c I planned on getting up @ 7 to go to the college and register for next semester, but I woke up at 3 in the fuckin morning and my thoughts immediately started racing so I couldn't fall back asleep. I just watched some Dr Phil & then played GTA V until I had 2 leave teehee.
Ummm ... i don't really have much else to say, I hope you're doin well & i'll write again l8r! Go check out my new GTA 3 website! (If that's ur kind of thing) sEe Ya! :-P
subject: I saw Matt and Kim live last night!|
music: Phil's Files (2003): "How To Talk To Your Teens" - Dr Phil (listen)
Hey! I hope all is well in your life, i'm doing fucking amazing! I went to a Matt and Kim show last nite w/ kiersten and korrin at the White Oak Music Hall in Houston. I- ... it was fucking amazing. I had no idea what to expect cuz i've never watched a video of them perform before but bitch I got more than I could've ever wanted. They performed their album Grand along w/ some other popular songs, I was singin the whole night. During the show Matt said somethin about a lack of a mosh pit and everyone went "oH? MmKay." And then the song started and everyone went fucking crazy. I've never been in one before, but I LOVED IT. I wanted MORE BITCH, I wanted to be PUNCHED and sHovED, IT WAS GREAT. Here's a couple pics I took:
Anyways, it's been gettin pretty cold down here in ye ol tExas. It was in the 40's yesterday, fuuuck that. I love the cold, just ... when i'm inside. LMFAO. I can't wait for december. That whole fucking month is christmas for me, I'm a holly jolly bitch. I love christmas so much, the music, the decorations, just ... tHe ViBeS mAaAaN. LMaoo.
Okayyy well i'm gonna go play GTAIV and run around Liberty City before class, have a good day & i'll see ya l8r :-)
subject: Smoking a bowl and watching Dance Moms|
music: Downtown Life - Grandma (listen)
Hiya, I hope you're having a good day! I just smoked and now i'm watching dance moms fights and eating M&Ms. I haven't updated my site in a while .. tee hee. i've been feelin shitty but I recently got my meds so i'm good!! I could only get one of my meds cuz I have no insurance & all of my medication in total would've been around $700 so uh yeah.. love our healthcare system.
Halloween was a lot of fun! It was so fucking cold!! I went to Numbers w/ Amy and almost froze my nipplez off. This is what I was wearin:
I also went on friday, I had a rlly good weekend. ... I wanna change up my site again, I may fuck w/ the myspace theme, idk. I want something fresh & new! I spent all day looking at old websites in 2000 and it hella inspired me 2 switch up my site to another format!
Umm I don't really have much else 2 say, i'm stoned and I just wanted 2 clear out my posts B-) I'll write again l8r, see ya!