I just got home from work and loaded a bowl, I wanted to get some thoughts out before I smoke and take sexy nsfw pics on my webcam. I worked 1:30 to 10 today. But don't worry, you can bet your ass I got paid to do jack shit all day. I hung out with my coworkers and listened to music all of my shift. I have been really into Metric (um... DUH) lately. Been listening to their first 3 albums on repeat. I give way too much attention to "Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?". Live It Out & Grow Up and Blow Away are fucking amazing albums.

Anywaysss. I wore a birthday boy pin at work all day and had some nice people wish me a happy birthday. Everyone thinks I am 19/20???? I have no idea HOW my skin is still smooth after all the years of chain smoking cigs and drinking I did in high school... I mean, I don't smoke cigs anymore but I do vape.. And I drink every now and then these days, compared to like ... 2020-2022 when I was drinking EVERY SINGLE DAY. Bitch I was struggling back in Texas. It's obvious when you read my old posts on here, I was NEVER sober. I used to cope with things in very unhealthy ways.

oops! oversharing...... Moving on I straightened my hair and it looks cute now that my hair is pretty long. If I like any of the pix I am about to take on my webcam, I'll post it here so u can see. I think I might straighten my hair more often.

Okay obviously I didn't wait to smoke until finishing this so I started rambling.. I am stopping myself here! I need to make some more updates around other parts of my site, rather than just updating this page with my incessant ramblings. I will get to that soon. I am going to go smoke more and take hot pics. I hope that you're doing well. CHECK OUT THE SONG BELOW BY METRIC! I will see you later.

(listen to the song, it means a lot to me)

"You say that you hate me
And I love to call you baby
Darling I've been havin trouble sleepin
Goin out all of the weekend
And I don't know anymore
But you still show up anyway
In my dreams you're speakin to me
Please leave me alone, please leave me"

Hey, it's my birthday! I am 24 years old. blah. I cried for a while after the post I made last night and then joined a discord call with korrin and like 9 other people. I was like uhhhh WHO am I crying in front of rn?? But i knew like half of them.. lmfao. We played 7 days to die for a bit but I was too drunk so I just sat here and enjoyed their company. Talking to them made me feel a lot better.

I went to bed at like midnight and started crying again until I fell asleep. I woke up at 5:30am with horrible anxiety and now I am here! It is about to be 7am. I have been feeling existential about my birthday, and now with everything going on with my grandpa. I am just really fucking sad.

I woke up yesterday morning to this text from my aunt updating me on my grandpas condition:

"Papa's personal care home met with hospice and they are stopping all of dad's medicine today and basically only giving him water and swabbing his mouth with wet swabs. He's choking on everything. They're just trying to make him comfortable and hospice will be visiting all weekend."

It is sounding like this is his time. I have had years to come to terms with this, so it isn't a shock. But the pain is still immeasurable. My grandparents raised me for most of my life, and then I took care of them towards the end of theirs. I had a very difficult relationship with them growing up, especially with my grandma. I don't want to talk about that right now.

But yeah. I need to start looking for flights to texas for next week. I haven't wrapped my head around what's going on, it doesn't feel real. I am going to be in texas next week?? For my grandpa's funeral?? What is going on.

Years ago, when I was deep into taking care of them, I used to lie in bed at night and try to imagine what this moment would look like. I never imagined I would be where I am, and I am overall pretty happy with how things have turned out. I can't believe that part of my life is over. It consumed me for years. Now I just have to pick up the pieces and learn how to cope and find happiness within myself.

Life sucks. I'm gonna get stoned and watch Degrassi. Maybe tease random men on tinder.. or maybe do some online shopping.. I am coping!! I'll see you later.

I just got home from hanging out with sam.. we were doin shots for my birthday bitch I AM DRUNK!!! I am about to play games with korrin.. I just wanted to pop in and say hello... so.. hi.. tee hee.

ummm i hate to change the tone but uhh.. I do not know how to put this other than my grandpa is dying and I am going to texas like.. next week. I .. ugh. I am drunk. I will explain this better later when i wake up tomorrow. I woke up to a text from my aunt this morning letting me know that this is pretty much the last week of my grandpas life. I will post the screenshot of the text I got tomorrow.. I am too drunk to do all of that righht now. sorry!

um but yeah I am buying a plane ticket to texas soon... I will probably be there for at least a week. I am going to stay with kiersten and korrin at their house.. I am SO GOING TO NUMBERS!!!! GOING TO GO CLUBBING AND SHAKE MY ASS!! despite the circumstances........ LMFAO. Idk...... it is so weird. I came to terms with the fact that I would be losing my grandparents years ago. My grandpa got diagnosed with alzheimers in 2017 and I took care of him with my grandma until dementia got her in late 2021 and I was pretty much by myself taking care of them.. I didnt talk about that much on my website when it was happening.. 2017- early 2023 were really fucking hard years for me. Taking care of my grandparents really took a toll on me. I never talked about that stuff here much!! ahhhhhhh. my grandma died last year, in september. I didn't post much about it. I was going to make a memorial page, but never did. I might get around to that soon, making one for her and one for my grandpa.

I can probably explain everything better tomorrrow.. when I am sober. Idk. Life feels really weird right now. It feels like that chapter of my life is finally coming to a close. I have lost both of my grandparents. The people that raised me. AHHGGJGAK!!! Idk. LIFE IS SO WEIRD.

OKAY. I have started sobbing my eyes out. I will update again soon. I will see you later.

I finally updated the code for this page! It was difficult for me to
work with. The page had a damn stroke when I tried to get a little
more creative with my posts. A while back I spent a couple hours trying to get it to work and failed. I just tried again and managed to simplify the code a bit and get it the way I want. It had been essentially the same since 2019.

The style is the same, so the changes aren't THAT noticable. I just hope I will be able to place pics and text where I want them without screwing everything up.. we'll see.
That's all I have to say for now! I hope you're doing well. I'll see you later.

LMFAOOOO. I woke up this morning to find out that "Enron was back". I thought it was real at first and then I did some digging and it is FAKE! Like anybody would trust the Enron name after what they did 20 years ago. I am in the middle of reading the book that was released alongside the documentary that I recommended a few posts back, "Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room". So I was like !!!omg!!! when I saw everything.

EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT ENRON SHOULD WATCH THE DOCUMENTARY. Click the link below to watch on Youtube for free:



And you should read the book. I'm only a few hundred pages into it, but it goes into much further detail than the documentary.

Check out the Enron website HERE!

I'll see you later, I gotta get ready for work. I hope you're doing well!