Monday, May 27, 2024 - 11:41 PM
× subject: I love No Doubt
× mood: baked
× music: Magic's In The Makeup ★ No Doubt (listen)

"Can you tell I'm faking it?
But I want to be myself
A counterfeit disposition
Can't be good for my health
So many different faces
Depending on the different phases
My personality changes, I'm a chameleon.
There's more than one dimension
I can fool you and attract attention
Camouflage my nature, let me demonstrate."

What's up? It's me again. I'm sitting here at my computer, smoking and listening to the Return Of Saturn album by No Doubt. I'm off tomorrow! I have been working my ass off lately, I can feel that shit in my legs. I like all of my coworkers, all of them are really nice. So are the customers! Why are people in New Mexico nicer than they were in Texas?

Anyways. A little storytime or somethin.. On Thursday, I stayed up until like 4AM, drinking and playing Roblox with Korrin. The next day, I was pretty hungover. I remember eating a microwavable pot roast that I used to get all the time from Family Dollar. Fast forward to that night, I was playing Roblox and my stomach was in so much pain. It got so bad that I decided to go to sleep, but when I woke up at 6AM, it got WORSE! I ended up rolling around in pain and then PUKED for HOURS. I remember when I was in the middle of it, I immediately linked it to alcohol and I told myself I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!! I eventually deduced that I probably had food poisoning, because alcohol has never caused me that much pain before. But that feeling of not wanting to drink still lingered! I haven't had a drink since that night and have kinda thought about what if I just... kept not drinking?? I don't know if this is a permanent thing. I honestly don't remember the last time I went 3 days without a drink.. so yeah. Maybe let's see how long this lasts. I still have my weeeed. I think the environment I am in now is creating these thoughts and feelings.. idk what I am trying to say! Not saying anything just .. mentioning this? I'm trying something new.

Anywayzzz. Was that too much? Who knows. I was gonna play games with Korrin again tonight but she might've fallen asleep. So I think I'm gonna listen to music and work on my website all night. I GET TO SLEEP IN TOMORROW. See you later!

Sunday, May 26, 2024 - 11:30 PM
× subject: Check out the iPod!
× mood: baked
× music: Franklin ★ Paramore (listen)

"So, we stand here now and no one knows us at all.
I won't get used to this, I won't get used to being gone.
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying.
And going back to get away after everything has changed."

Hi sexy Just making a quick lil post-work update to mention I updated my index page! I added an iPod! My plan with it is to make playlists out of songs that I am listening to / define the current .. phase ? era ? week? idk. Just music to represent how I currently feel. If you care, listen to them! It's music that means a lot to me.

Work was good, I got a lot done. I made a mistake while closing, PANICKED, called the ASM and she was like "no biggie!". That makes me feel better, but there's still that underlying feeling of worry! I went to the bank to drop off the deposit for the first time today and it was an adventure. I was driving through a curvy road nestled in between lots of trees, with a cool view of the mountains to the left. New Mexico is so pretty, I really like it here. I got to the bank and could not figure out how to open the drop box.... I sat there for like 3 minutes TRYING before finally figuring it out. I think I will take a picture next time I go so that I can show you and maybe you'll understand the confusion.. Or maybe you won't, I'm not the smartest person.

Anyways! I'm about to play games, probably Roblox, with Korrin and her friend Luci (I don't think that's his real name...) So I am gonna wrap this up here! I hope you're well. I'll see you again soon!

(PS I archived some of my posts to make room for more on this page!)

Sunday, May 26, 2024 - 12:05 PM
× subject: Sold my left nut for Avril Lavigne
× mood: hehehehehe
× music: He Wasn't ★ Avril Lavigne (listen)

Friday, May 24, 2024 - 11:44 PM
× subject: after work rambles
× mood: stoned
× music: Doll Parts ★ Hole (listen)

"I want to be the girl with the most cake.
He only loves those things because
he loves to see them break.
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake.
And someday you will ache like I ache.

Hey what's up? I just got home from work and smoked a lil bit. There was a taco waiting for me in the microwave, I just INHALED that fucker. Work was good! To follow up on my last post, I didn't mess up! I've actually been adjusting really well. I was so nervous about getting used to working there, but it's been easier than I expected. Although work is good, I still can't shake the waves of depression that come and go. They're slowly getting less intense, but they're still there. I'm glad that I open tomorrow. I think coming home after work to a quiet house is making me depressed. There's nobody to talk to right now... grr..

But that's okay! I need to go to bed soon anyways. I have to be up at 6:45. Which is fine with me, now, since I've gotten used to waking up that early bc of my siblings going to school. Speaking of that, I think today was their last day. It's officially summer for them. I'm excited for all the fun shit we're gonna get up to this summer. More boat days!!

Welllll I didn't want to ramble on for too long. I'm still wearing my shoes and pants...... I'm gonna go fix that. I hope you have a good weekend, I will see you later!

Monday, May 21, 2024 - 1:09 AM
× subject: howdy
× mood: nervous!
× music: Atta Girl ★ Heavenly (listen)

Hiiii! I just got home from work a while ago, I closed without my manager there for the first time! ON MY SECOND DAY. I am feeling a lot better than I did last night, I was feeling so emotional. I stayed up until like 3AM and cried it out and thought about things so I feel a lot better. ANYWAYS, yeah, WORK. So, I am okay in the sense that I am not sad right now, BUT there is a FIST in my chest. I am SO ANXIOUS!!!!!!! I am so fucking nervous that I fucked something up while closing tonight. Even though I followed my notes exactly and called an assistant manager to help walk me through the last part. There's that little voice inside of my head that is screaming YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!!! I hate that! Having anxiety is such a pain in the ass.

I am so nervous that I am going to go in tomorrow and my manager is going to be upset with me. I mentioned this as I closed with my coworker, and she kept saying "It's our second day!". Which is true! I am really trying my best to make a good impression and do a good job. I want to succeed so badly. All I can do is hope I did everything correctly. I go in tomorrow at 12:45. Other than that, I mainly was just stocking and checking customers out. SHIT. I just remembered I bought cat litter and I fucking forgot it at work... story of my life.. so glad I kept my receipt so I can just grab it tomorrow. (oh, but of course I remembered to bring home the $10 roblox card I also bought.. priorities..) Anywayz the closing process at my new job has so many extra steps. At Family Dollar, it was so simple. They're really on top of their shit here. I guess that's a good thing, I just need to get adjusted to it.

I checked out a girl today who looked exactly like Kiersten. My heart dropped when I saw her and I WAS FIGHTING TEARS AS I CHECKED HER OUT LMFAOOOO! She had the same hairstyle, glasses, black top, a long skirt, FACE SHAPE!!!, and a tattoo on her arm. I miss Kiersten so much. Just typing this out is making me sad. I want to give her a big hug and then go get a long island iced tea for me and a beer for her and then dance all night under the disco ball. She means so much to me.


I've been sitting here rambling for a while now. I think I am trying to distract myself from feeling nervous.. My heart is beating so loudly. Well. I am going to listen to music and focus on trying to relax before going to bed. I can't believe I have been so on top of updating my website lately! I hope that you are doing well, I will see u later.

Monday, May 20, 2024 - 3:45 PM
× subject: started my new job today
× mood: happy
× music: Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) ★ Lady Gaga (listen)

I just wanted to make a quick post to say I started my new job today! My manager is really nice, I think we're going to get along just fine. I'm excited to meet all of my coworkers! I've only met 2 so far and they seem cool! I think they're around my age. Ahhh. I've been so nervous, I'm glad I am finally employed again. I went in around 9am and stayed in the break room, training for most of my shift. I was there until 1pm. I'm going back in about 3ish hours to shadow my manager while she closes! I'll probably be there until 10. Until thennn uhhh. I don't know. I think i'm gonna play Corpse Party: Book of Shadows.. I'll see u later!

Friday, May 17, 2024 - 11:23 AM
× subject: Take this quiz!
× mood: relaxed
× music: Break It Off ★ PinkPantheress (listen)

Hiii! I stayed up until 3am working on my website last night. I've also been working on it all morning! Just little tweaks and new pages. I MADE THE INDEX PAGE LONGER! I love it!! I should've done that YEARS ago. The scrolling pics thing is cute. I'm gonna think of more stuff to add sooooon.

Anyways! I just spent the past hour doing this quiz I found online! Here's a little example:

1. Last beverage:
Cherry Pepsi.

2. Last phone call:
Facetime with my old manager and coworker.

3. Last song you listened to:
My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne.

4. Last time you cried:
Maybeee when I moved out?

That's only 4 questions out of 167 total! Click HERE to view all of my answers AND to copy the questions for yourself to answer.
Well, I'm gonna get back to working on other parts of my site. See u later!

I die inside when I read them. Why am I making them public again...

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