I am making a short post to say that I am leaving for Texas about 4 hours from now! I will be gone until February 2nd, so my website will see little to no updates until then! I'm going to be busy hanging out w/ Kiersten and Korrin, running around Houston and having fun. I can't wait to go to NUMBERS TOMORROW! AHHHHH. I can't wait to go bar hopping. AND TO EAT TEX-MEX!!!! I wonder if we're gonna go out tonight... We'll see.. I should land at Hobby airport around 6pm or something. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY FRIENDS.

I need to go download episodes of Degrassi to watch on my flights. I can't wait until I am in the air and I can get a vodka sprite.. that's when I will be chillin. Flying is so scary. Well, that's about all I have to say for now. I hope you're doing well, I will see you next month!

I hate being an adult sometimes. So the cold New Mexico weather was a bit too much for my poor, old Texas car battery to handle. I've been having to get jumped to get to work and back home for the past week or so. It's been really stressful, and I was expecting to spend a shit ton on a new battery, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I just dropped a fat steaming $215 on a new battery. I want to die. I am a broke little bitch. But now my car will work yaaaaaaaay. I'm just waiting for them to same-day deliver it and for my stepdad to get home to change it out for me. Cuz I don't know shit about cars. My dad cared more about meth than teaching me life skills yaaaaaaay!!!!

Now I just need to update my registration cuz I've been riding dirty on tags that expired last summer LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

Hey! I hope that you're having a good day. I just woke up from my 12 hour long coma. The day before yesterday, at work, I drank a couple redbulls. They had me tweaking until 5AM. Although, I was playing games with friends that night until like.. 1am? 2am? And then everyone left except this cute guy that we met recently. I stayed on until like 4AM watching him play that geoguessr game. I don't think I could win one round and that dude was KILLING it. It's so interesting to watch.

Anyways, I went to bed at 5am and woke up at 8am for work from 9am to 1pm. That was yesterday. I got off and went home to change clothes and charge my phone since I had made plans to hang out with Sam and Caitlyn (I should put Caitlyn on my website! We're hanging out more..). I picked up Sam before we got Caitlyn. We started at Circle K, getting a bunch of alcohol for our adventure. I got a watermelon beatbox and a horchata buzzball, Caitlyn got some jack daniels, and Sam had some buzzballs. After that we went to Walgreens to pick up a prescription for Caitlyn.

So we didn't really have a concrete plan, we just knew we wanted to get some pizza and go sit and eat at a park. We also wanted weed so we went to a dispensary after Walgreens (I think? The timeline is a bit foggy...) and I got an ounce of shake and Caitlyn got a disposable pen. Caitlyn has a polaroid camera and wanted to take pics but had no film, so our next stop was Walmart. We pregamed Walmart in the parking lot and hung out in my car for a little bit, laughing about dumb shit. Walmart ended up not having any film, but they did have this cute little $30 digital camera that I impulsively bought since my old camera that I used all the time is broken.

Since Walmart had no film, we decided to check out if Target had any. So that's where we went next! We also pregamed Target... Lmfao. Caitlyn started a TikTok live and Sam n I couldn't stop laughing cuz we had to be all... censored? I don't use TikTok, but if you do I think you'll understand what I mean? Like cut down on the cursing and no smoking on camera. Everytime she went off-screen to hit her vape, I thought it was so funny. It's cool that she has a bunch of followers on there and can just hop on and chat with people. I wish I would've not been so depressed in 2020 so I could've gotten famous from taking my shirt off and flapping my balls around to a popular song.. smh.

Anywayyyys, we got film at Target and then left to get pizza from Little Caesars. By that point, it was getting dark and COLD. Like below 20 degrees cold.. (FAHRENHEIT. I AM A DUMB AMERICAN!). We decided that sitting outside at a park wouldn't be very comfortable, and we were wanting to go play pool, so we decided to eat in the parking lot of this local bowling alley. We got all fat and happy before making our way inside. It was like I went back in time, that place hasn't changed since the 90's I'm sure. It was cute though, we got a pool table and played for a bit. I don't know how to play, so they were teaching me. Here's a quick pic of Sam n I that Caitlyn took:



We were enjoying ourselves! Playing pool, listening to music, laughing like idiots. Then THE MAN approached us. It was an old native man with tattoos all over his face. When he came up to us, he was talking to Sam and Caitlyn. This is when he told them he was gay, which I did not hear. I was kind of stuck in my head? I'm not sure, I just wasn't really paying attention to him or what he said. I kind of just instantly wrote him off as some creep trying to get weird with my friends. Anyways, Sam said to him while we were playing "Oh, he (me) doesn't know what he's doing, can you show him how to play?" and the guy WHIPS OUT this fancy ass pool stick and hands it to me and I was like uhh... okay. I hit the ball using his poolstick and then just handed it back.

Then, Caitlyn and Sam went to the bathroom and I didn't have to go, so I stayed to watch their stuff. That's when the man saw his chance I guess, cuz he came up to me and tried to talk to me. AND REMEMBER I thought he was just some old drunk straight dude?? So imagine how confused and uncomfortable I was when he came up to me and rubbed on my lower back. I thought to myself "Huh. Maybe he's just drunk and friendly". I don't remember much of what he said cuz I wasn't really listening. Then Sam and Caitlyn came back. Sam said afterwards that this was when she saw the look on my face and was like OKAY we need to GO! I was very uncomfortable! He was trying to get us to play w him and these YOUNG ass dudes. They looked like they were in high school.

So we started getting our stuff together. Sam and Caitlyn went to give back the pool balls and the man approached me again. I just remember him saying "I'm gay too!" And I was really rude! I was very dismissive of him. I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS TRYING TO FUCK ME LMFAOOO. TALK ABOUT CLUELESS!!!!!! I remember saying like "good for you." or something. When Sam n Caitlyn came back into the room, I said to the man "Yeah they're drunk, I'm driving. I think they want to leave so we're heading out." And I just walked away from him. THE VIBES WERE OFF BITCH!!! Old native man trying to lick on my balls or something. I was just trying to have a fun night with my friends, it's always a MAN that ruins it.

So, we left. Thinking on it after the fact was when I realized "Oh... he wanted some of this DICK." LMFAOOO. We were going to go to another pool place, but then Caitlyn got a text from her ex! So, to make this long story shorter, Sam n I dropped her off to have a good time while we went to this sex shop called "Something Sexy". We just browsed, they had some really cute clothes. We found Kim Kardashians sex tape on DVD for $50. I ended up buying this really cute red thong. I was torn between that and this tear-off black thong but I couldn't afford both. I hate being poor. Here's some pics of my sexy self in my sexy new thong:



After we picked Caitlyn up, we decided to call it a night. On our way to drop her off, I was going 45 or 50 down a main road when all of a sudden this dumb, DRUNK (I assume) motherfucker decided to RUN ACROSS THE STREET. IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING CAR. I had to slam on my brakes and swerve to avoid him, the image of his look of TERROR is seared into my brain. I don't know what the fuck he was thinking, the cars behind me were honking at him. We all were like AHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! LMFAO. I hope he didn't get run over trying to play Frogger or whatever the fuck it was he was doing.

And then I dropped everyone off and made it home safe. Here's what I looked like when I got home:



It was a really crazy day. I can't wait for our next adventure. Well. That's all I have to say for now. I have to be at work in like 3 hours, so I am going to shower and eat and then uhhh. Idk. Play games until I have to leave. I hope that you're doing well, I will see you later sexy bitch.

Hiiii. I haven't rambled in a while! I just wanted to make another short post before I play Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness until I go to work for the rest of the day. I just smoked half a bowl, I have Daria on in the background, and my little sister has her friends over and they are LOUD! This must've been how my grandparents felt when I had friends over when I was in high school. We all used to get stoned in my room and then watch stupid youtube videos and scream and laugh lmfao. Aw. I really miss those times. I hope my little sister cherishes moments like these because they go away faster than you think.

Anyways, I started on a new shrine! (before finishing the GTA one...) It's for The Sims Online (FreeSO), a game that ended up being an important part of my life for years. I spent a lot of time with my closest IRL friends playing during the pandemic when we couldn't go out anymore. It was a good escape. Check out the page here!

I started working on my new friends page, but I am so picky with how I want the layout. I don't see it being up on my site for another couple months. I have a few ideas for new pages on my cool shit section. Some of those ideas are old Stardoll messages of mine from 2009 to around 2012, Photobooth pics (I have so many! I NEED A SCANNER!!! UGH!), my DVD collection (which I also need a scanner for...), and uh.. idk. Other stuff.

Well I didn't want to ramble for too long. I never made a post about my Texas trip so now my memory is all foggy.. smh. Everytime I thought about it I would just get sad. But I will be back in Texas in less than 2 weeks! I can't wait. Maybe I will make a new page just for memories and stories from my trips. I also still want to make memorial pages for my grandparents.. more on that soon! I'm going to play Tomb Raider, I hope that you are doing well. I will see ya around.

Was going to update my website yesterday but I completely forgot it was new years.. I drank w my coworkers at my house and had a really good night. I am running on one hour of sleep and I worked from 6am to 11am. I am so dead. I'm eating a hot honey breakfast hot pocket and then I am going to smoke, lay down on my heating pad, and watch old episodes of To Catch A Predator.. I am TOOOOOO tired to do anything around here rn... I am off tomorrow though! Maybe I'll do something this evening.... so tired.. so very tired..

before I go, happy new year bitch. I was a freshman 10 years ago.......... time just FLIES BY doesn't it?

Hi! This is a very short post to let you know that I am doing okay. I am feeling a lot better since my last post. This post is short since I am about to play some games with Korrin and some friends. I finally have a day off tomorrow, so my website will be UPDATED! I am deep cleaning my room tomorrow before I spend the rest of the day (or however long I feel like) updating my website.

I will go more into detail about my state of mind then, and how I impulsively bought a plane ticket to Texas for late next month. I hope you're doing well! I am going to text Korrin now, I'll see you tomorrow!

Hey, I hope you're doing well. I am updating from my phone. It's currently 1:55 in the morning. I have to be up at 8 to get ready for my grandpa's funeral at 10. Kiersten is snoozin, the TV is flashing around the logo for the DVD player, the room is dimly lit by purple Christmas lights.

Today has been crazy. I went out last night and went home with a man that I have been talking to and was awoken around 7am to kiersten calling to let me know that korrin was in a rollover accident and was in the hospital. She got really lucky, she walked away essentially unscathed. Her car landed upside down, she was being suspended, held by her seatbelt.

I was given a ride to the hospital in Alvin from League City and on the way there we drove past korrin's car after it was put on the flatbed of a tow truck. Seeing that made me very emotional. I got to the hospital and waited for kiersten to arrive from Houston before going in and hanging with korrin for a few hours. I am so glad she is okay. If I lost one of my best friends, the grief would be unbearable.

Oddly enough, sharing this is making me feel better than I was when I started writing this.. or.. it's distracting me from the thoughts that have started to consume me. I think I've made a terrible mistake by moving to New Mexico. And that idea horrifies me. What the fuck am I doing? I can't explain how intense the emotions running through me are. My heart is pounding. I was crying while thinking about this before I started writing.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family there, and I love my best friend there, Sam. But it is not enough. I am completely, utterly unfulfilled. I have spent the last 9 months longing for something. Denying the thoughts that I am facing in this moment. I miss Houston so much. I miss my friends. I miss going out to all of my favorite spots. Just, LIVING. I MISS LIVING. I have been lying to myself for months trying to convince myself that I made the right decision but I know for a fact in my heart that I haven't. And this trip has shown me that.

I am so depressed. I don't want this trip to end. I don't know what the fuck I am doing with my life. What the fuck do I do? What can I do? I just want to be happy. I want to be around my friends. I hate feeling like this.

The only good thing that can come out of living in NM is the possibility of free college. I have no idea what I want to do. There are a few paths that I can see for myself. I can stay in New Mexico and be fucking miserable and bored. I could impulsively move back to Texas with no plan, but I would be around my friends, and happy. Or, I could stay in New Mexico just for the free college, then move back and find a spot for myself.

I feel the passing of time now more than ever. I am 24 years old. My youth is finite and I really need to get my ass in gear and figure out what the fuck it is that I want. What am I doing? I have no fucking clue! I feel that I have wasted so much time. I don't want to wake up one day and feel as if it's too late.

Well. I suppose I should stop this here. It's 2:20AM now. I need to be awake in less than 6 hours. I am feeling very tender right now. I am glad I got all of this out. I feel only slightly better, but a little is always better than nothing. I will be okay one day. I will look back at this and smile. I just wish I could get to that point quickly. I am excited to go out tomorrow night. Thanks for reading this, if you cared to. I'll see you later.

My grandpa passed away just before midnight last night. I am devastated. My website will see little to no changes until late December or January of next year. I will see you later.

"And I wanna believe you
When you tell me that it'll be okay
Yeah, I try to believe you
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be
It always turns out to be a different way
I try to believe you
Not today, today, today, today, today

I don't know how I'll feel
Tomorrow, tomorrow
And I
Don't know what to say
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is a different day

It's always been up to you
It's turnin' around, it's up to me
I'm gonna do what I have to do
Just don't

Give me a little time
Leave me alone a little while
And maybe it's not too late
Not today, today, today, today, today

I don't know how I'll feel
Tomorrow, tomorrow
And I
Don't know what to say
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is a different day

And I know I'm not ready
Maybe tomorrow
I'm not ready
Maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you
When you tell me that it'll be okay
Yeah, I try to believe you
Not today, today, today, today, today

Tomorrow, it may change
Tomorrow, it may change
Tomorrow, it may change
Tomorrow, it may change"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That is how I have been feeling. Right after I made my last post, my stomach got a little upset. That turned into me tossing and turning all night in excruciating pain. I puked over and over and over. I don't think I got more than an hour of sleep that night. The pain was UNBEARABLE. My stomach started hurting worse from puking up nothing all night. I was tense all over my torso, my back was KILLING ME. The only thing I had to eat that day was breakfast. so idk if it was that or maybe I just got some random stomach bug. I haven't drank since the 13th so I don't think it was that? idk.

I had to be at work at 6AM. I got ready and left around 5:40 and I was so delirious from lack of sleep and food. I made it to work and puked all the water I had drank outside of my car... My coworker that was supposed to be with me that morning called in. I went inside, clocked in, puked in the trash can behind the register, then went into the break room. I just laid down and went in and out of consciousness, puking occasionally, from 6am to around 7:50ish. I texted my manager and the ASM around 7:25am begging for help lmfao. The ASM called me around 7:50 and came in to rescue me.

I took out the trash that I had puked in before clocking out. I had to lay on the ground for like 10 minutes before I felt okay enough to drive. I got home, stripped to my underwear, and got in bed. The puking stopped a few hours ago. I am able to hold in water but my stomach still hurts.

I haven't eaten in like 24 hours but the thought of food makes me sick. I think I am going to go back to sleep... I am so out of it. I hope you're doing better than I am. Everything will be okay eventually! bye :D

oh also no update on my grandpa yet... ugh.

update 1:38pm: My aunt said he started gurgling. When that started with my grandma, she died shortly after. It'll be today or tomorrow. I'm going to start looking for flights.

I just got home from work and loaded a bowl, I wanted to get some thoughts out before I smoke and take sexy nsfw pics on my webcam. I worked 1:30 to 10 today. But don't worry, you can bet your ass I got paid to do jack shit all day. I hung out with my coworkers and listened to music all of my shift. I have been really into Metric (um... DUH) lately. Been listening to their first 3 albums on repeat. I give way too much attention to "Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?". Live It Out & Grow Up and Blow Away are fucking amazing albums.

Anywaysss. I wore a birthday boy pin at work all day and had some nice people wish me a happy birthday. Everyone thinks I am 19/20???? I have no idea HOW my skin is still smooth after all the years of chain smoking cigs and drinking I did in high school... I mean, I don't smoke cigs anymore but I do vape.. And I drink every now and then these days, compared to like ... 2020-2022 when I was drinking EVERY SINGLE DAY. Bitch I was struggling back in Texas. It's obvious when you read my old posts on here, I was NEVER sober. I used to cope with things in very unhealthy ways.

oops! oversharing...... Moving on I straightened my hair and it looks cute now that my hair is pretty long. If I like any of the pix I am about to take on my webcam, I'll post it here so u can see. I think I might straighten my hair more often.

Okay obviously I didn't wait to smoke until finishing this so I started rambling.. I am stopping myself here! I need to make some more updates around other parts of my site, rather than just updating this page with my incessant ramblings. I will get to that soon. I am going to go smoke more and take hot pics. I hope that you're doing well. CHECK OUT THE SONG BELOW BY METRIC! I will see you later.

(listen to the song, it means a lot to me)

"You say that you hate me
And I love to call you baby
Darling I've been havin trouble sleepin
Goin out all of the weekend
And I don't know anymore
But you still show up anyway
In my dreams you're speakin to me
Please leave me alone, please leave me"

Hey, it's my birthday! I am 24 years old. blah. I cried for a while after the post I made last night and then joined a discord call with korrin and like 9 other people. I was like uhhhh WHO am I crying in front of rn?? But i knew like half of them.. lmfao. We played 7 days to die for a bit but I was too drunk so I just sat here and enjoyed their company. Talking to them made me feel a lot better.

I went to bed at like midnight and started crying again until I fell asleep. I woke up at 5:30am with horrible anxiety and now I am here! It is about to be 7am. I have been feeling existential about my birthday, and now with everything going on with my grandpa. I am just really fucking sad.

I woke up yesterday morning to this text from my aunt updating me on my grandpas condition:

"Papa's personal care home met with hospice and they are stopping all of dad's medicine today and basically only giving him water and swabbing his mouth with wet swabs. He's choking on everything. They're just trying to make him comfortable and hospice will be visiting all weekend."

It is sounding like this is his time. I have had years to come to terms with this, so it isn't a shock. But the pain is still immeasurable. My grandparents raised me for most of my life, and then I took care of them towards the end of theirs. I had a very difficult relationship with them growing up, especially with my grandma. I don't want to talk about that right now.

But yeah. I need to start looking for flights to texas for next week. I haven't wrapped my head around what's going on, it doesn't feel real. I am going to be in texas next week?? For my grandpa's funeral?? What is going on.

Years ago, when I was deep into taking care of them, I used to lie in bed at night and try to imagine what this moment would look like. I never imagined I would be where I am, and I am overall pretty happy with how things have turned out. I can't believe that part of my life is over. It consumed me for years. Now I just have to pick up the pieces and learn how to cope and find happiness within myself.

Life sucks. I'm gonna get stoned and watch Degrassi. Maybe tease random men on tinder.. or maybe do some online shopping.. I am coping!! I'll see you later.

I just got home from hanging out with sam.. we were doin shots for my birthday bitch I AM DRUNK!!! I am about to play games with korrin.. I just wanted to pop in and say hello... so.. hi.. tee hee.

ummm i hate to change the tone but uhh.. I do not know how to put this other than my grandpa is dying and I am going to texas like.. next week. I .. ugh. I am drunk. I will explain this better later when i wake up tomorrow. I woke up to a text from my aunt this morning letting me know that this is pretty much the last week of my grandpas life. I will post the screenshot of the text I got tomorrow.. I am too drunk to do all of that righht now. sorry!

um but yeah I am buying a plane ticket to texas soon... I will probably be there for at least a week. I am going to stay with kiersten and korrin at their house.. I am SO GOING TO NUMBERS!!!! GOING TO GO CLUBBING AND SHAKE MY ASS!! despite the circumstances........ LMFAO. Idk...... it is so weird. I came to terms with the fact that I would be losing my grandparents years ago. My grandpa got diagnosed with alzheimers in 2017 and I took care of him with my grandma until dementia got her in late 2021 and I was pretty much by myself taking care of them.. I didnt talk about that much on my website when it was happening.. 2017- early 2023 were really fucking hard years for me. Taking care of my grandparents really took a toll on me. I never talked about that stuff here much!! ahhhhhhh. my grandma died last year, in september. I didn't post much about it. I was going to make a memorial page, but never did. I might get around to that soon, making one for her and one for my grandpa.

I can probably explain everything better tomorrrow.. when I am sober. Idk. Life feels really weird right now. It feels like that chapter of my life is finally coming to a close. I have lost both of my grandparents. The people that raised me. AHHGGJGAK!!! Idk. LIFE IS SO WEIRD.

OKAY. I have started sobbing my eyes out. I will update again soon. I will see you later.

I finally updated the code for this page! It was difficult for me to
work with. The page had a damn stroke when I tried to get a little
more creative with my posts. A while back I spent a couple hours trying to get it to work and failed. I just tried again and managed to simplify the code a bit and get it the way I want. It had been essentially the same since 2019.

The style is the same, so the changes aren't THAT noticable. I just hope I will be able to place pics and text where I want them without screwing everything up.. we'll see.
That's all I have to say for now! I hope you're doing well. I'll see you later.

LMFAOOOO. I woke up this morning to find out that "Enron was back". I thought it was real at first and then I did some digging and it is FAKE! Like anybody would trust the Enron name after what they did 20 years ago. I am in the middle of reading the book that was released alongside the documentary that I recommended a few posts back, "Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room". So I was like !!!omg!!! when I saw everything.

EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT ENRON SHOULD WATCH THE DOCUMENTARY. Click the link below to watch on Youtube for free:



And you should read the book. I'm only a few hundred pages into it, but it goes into much further detail than the documentary.

Check out the Enron website HERE!

I'll see you later, I gotta get ready for work. I hope you're doing well!